mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
