That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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