they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
