Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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