she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
