I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
