Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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