True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Banned from zoo.
Again?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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