I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize