I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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