I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
