She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
