I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize