everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i've created a new STD.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
