Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
