Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
