Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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