ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
