just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
did you just send me my own nude
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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