I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
pray to the hookup gods
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize