His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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