tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
