just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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