youre lurking in front of me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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