Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
