My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
