shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Even my vagina gasped.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
