oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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