I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize