Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
