Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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