he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
