When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
