A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
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