what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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