Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
