I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We got so high we made milksteak
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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