OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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