giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
