Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
