just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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