Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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