but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
