too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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