Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize