i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
