1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
