i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
