...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
