based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
