just tell him i said nine months
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
