My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
