I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
