ADVERTISEMENT

• (954): View more from Florida

  He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"

  (954): View more from Florida

  Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.

  Fav 15 960 3130

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.

  Fav 29 1439 4517

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (805): View more from California

  do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?

  Fav 25 3356 5899

  share tweet
  

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you

  Fav 12 5649 1331

  share tweet
  

• (904): View more from Florida

  Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.

  Fav 9 3406 1738

  share tweet
  

• (256): View more from Alabama

  Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.

  Fav 29 2423 4696

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (804): View more from Virginia

  he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms

  Fav 2 3807 1179

  share tweet
  

• (562): View more from California

  Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas

  Fav 7 3192 1147

  share tweet
  

• (909): View more from California

  I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...

  Fav 19 3604 1495

  share tweet
  

• (914): View more from New York

  I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin

  Fav 2 769 525

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  (Underoos optional)

  Fav 0 269 161

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (828): View more from North Carolina

  ...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...

  Fav 7 160 100

  share tweet
  

• (240): View more from Maryland

  idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"

  Fav 0 52 10

  share tweet
  

• (586): View more from Michigan

  All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday

  Fav 0 35 30

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.

  Fav 0 39 5

  share tweet
  

Randomize