sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
