Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
