am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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