I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think my moral compass just broke
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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