"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
