Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
