Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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