I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
