Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
