I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
