Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
