There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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