I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
