I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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