yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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