I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I still have a little drunk in my system
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
