I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
