we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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