I must be too annoying 4 u.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
