My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Did I show you my penis last night?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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