Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
