as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize