My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
