I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
