We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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