when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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