I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
