Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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