In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
