we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
