Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
