went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
