video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
