Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
