Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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