Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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