Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
