Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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