life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
