Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
