What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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