I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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