I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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