Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
