Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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