Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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