He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
