I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
