i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you never un-have a 4some
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
