nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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