Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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