Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
