I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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