glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
