i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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