oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
